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Wild Rice

by Leon Frear

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1.
This world is full of freaks and fools, on that you can depend. When people hold their asses up so high above their heads. They set their hearts to dying, watched as their children bled. Then cried their eyes for putting out the fires in their beds. This world is full of saints ya’ know, you can find ‘em anywhere. Shiny Knights and maids with practiced ribbons in their hair. But when the weather’s stormy tears in rain will disappear. Men of rusted armor rescue maids with matted hair. I can see it by the pock marks that the money got you down. You can see it in the bottom of the jigger that I drown. I’d visit you more often but I don’t really get around. Well I do OK for Chapel but I can’t leave this town. Yeah I do OK for Chapel babe, but I can’t leave this town. The world is full of thinkers, or so everybody thought. You think as much as you can walk in shoes you never bought. The shoes that you’ve been walking in have really been around. But You do OK for someone who could never settle down. I do OK for Chapel babe, but I can’t leave this town. This world is full of drunks and fools. You know, let’s not pretend. I walk the streets among them, yeah you know they’re all my friends... The sneaks, the squirms, the creeps, the sperms all crawling on the ground. Yeah, I do OK for Chapel babe but I can’t leave this town. Yeah, I do OK for Chapel babe, but I can’t leave this town I do OK for Chapel babe, but I can’t leave this town.. Yeah, I do OK for Chapel. I gotta leave this town.
2.
It must've been a foggy morning when I bought this house It must've been a foggy morning when I bought this house In the foggy morning get the car go South It must've been a foggy morning when I bought this house Play-Dough make a sign and it say "Steady. Go. Steady. Go" Later make him go and sign a take-home-stay-note. Lego make a sign and it say "Steady. Go. Steady. Go" Player make him go and sign a take-home-stay-note. It must've been a foggy morning when I bought this house It must've been a foggy morning when I bought this house In the foggy morning get your car go South It must've been a foggy morning when I bought this house Play-Dough make a sign and it say "Steady. Go. Steady. Go" Later make him go and sign a take-home-stay-note. Lego make a sign and it say "Steady. Go. Steady. Go" Player make him go and sign a take-home-stay-note. Lego make a sign and it say "Steady. Go. Steady. Go." Player make him go with cries of "Stay Home, Stay Home" Play-Dough make a sign and it say "Steady Go. Steady. Go." Later make him go and cry to stay home stay home Lego make a sign and it say "Stay Home Stay Home!" Player make him go with cries of "Stay Home, Stay Home" Play-Dough make a sign and it say "Steady Go. Steady. Go." Later make him go and cry to stay home...
3.
We lived on the 8th, back where I walked the floor. I let her inside when she came dark to my door Close to her breast she brought with her truth And danced me the waltz of the heartbreak of youth. I asked her to sit, I chose to stand I leaned on my back foot when she offered her hand She said unto me from a chaise of wine suede “Come sit beside me, why are you so afraid?” Now I live alone, so far away Home, in my head, is where she lay. I pay my rent. I’m not hurting for it. She needs you more than she loved you. I live alone, so far away Home, in my head, is where you stay. I paid my rent but you can keep it. She needs you more than she loved you. It started off wrapped up in goose down and fleece And ended a trophy for her mantlepiece A notch on a bedpost, a flash in a cup A string around finger where she tied me up. The windows now shuttered. Laid bare at my feet, These spoils of war were snatches - of defeat. One surrendered last chance to spirit away So much to say and then nothing to say. I live alone, so far away Home, in my head, is where she lay. I pay my rent. I’m not hurting for it. She needs you more than she loved you. I live alone, so far away Home, in my head, is where you stay. I paid my rent but you can keep it. She needs you more than she loved you. She governed me, and did not cause me to fail. Staid in green pastures she sat me there She nourished me upon water - so filling Happy and fat but blind to the spilling I live alone, so far away Home, in my head, is where she lay. I pay my rent. I’m not hurting for it. She needs you more than she loved you. I live alone, so far away Home, in my head, is where you stay. I paid my rent but you can keep it. She needs you more than she loved you. She lives alone, so far away. Home in her bed, Is where (alone) I layed. Shot from the hip, but I didn’t mean it. I needed her more than I loved her. I live alone, so far away And in my head, is where you’ll stay. I paid my rent but you can keep it.
4.
Morning came to me with a contract. You said I put the Heart before the Course. I said "It wasn’t coarse, but it was contact." I said it was nice, You said “Of Course” Morning came around. You were chary. I asked “what’s wrong” You circumspected. You said you weren’t wary, but just pensive. I promised not to bother the chinoise. Morning came again with her contract. One I had already signed. But You didn’t care, As You threw back your hair. You promised everything would be just fine. Morning came again with her rider. I had a broken telephone. I never called home ‘cause I knew it was broken. And You said that I’d never be alone. Morning came around I got wasted. You were the body politic. You laughed at my jokes, Then jawed at my discourse. I decided it was best left alone. Now Morning Comes again with her contract. You said you needed sleep to be sure. I said “Good Night” You said “Back Atcha” When I woke up You were slipping out the door.
5.
Winter nights last longer when a hidden little lover Hides just out of view, Like a secret second moon. Well I’ll be damned, I looked up and here comes your ghost again. But I just got here too. Tried to look for someplace new, Go Outside and I still see you When I say I think about you less A little fib that I confess Of all the things I think about I don’t think any less of you. Well I’ll be damned you shaved your head. I guess I should have known, It looks nice on you. Even if I’m lying that don’t mean that it ain’t true. Well you’d only be a monster if I had no imagination Somehow falling up is better But a fall feels like a failure. Well I’d rather live life lonely than to live my life too sadly And I’d rather live too sadly than to live my life unhappy. When I look up I just don’t know if I’ll see you, I shouldn’t hang my hopes on you
6.
A Harvestman 04:55
Love is a ladder, it matters who’s on top. Stand on my shoulder you’ll get fatter, While I’m out on the limb a little further. Which tastes better in your tea, All the salt? A little sugar? You could stir my powdered bones, It would sweeten up your water. The farmer cooks up herrings, Then drags them 'round his garden. The followers come following, As hungry dies the pauper. At any rate we know that we Were plagued here by some killer. In riot times we heard the tales But blamed it on the farmer. The introduction pleases you But don’t matter when you met her. The important part is just whose voice Is speaking in the letters. Your little list is neatly writ But what gist does it fall under? Guess not my name, why bother? Let my profession be thy wonder. Mule and Plough, till my blood Mule and Plough many years Mule and Plough, till my blood Mule and Plough over years
7.
I wear this building like it’s body armor. And you’re tied to me like a chain. So I tailored a new suit to trade for black feathers, a leanin’ on a swagger cane. I tried my best to make amends, but you had fallen in with a bad group of friends Love and loss, like Siamese twins, A Murder of Crows. Old landlady’s gonna keep your rent, even if you think that you’re a good caretaker. You payed the deposit, made a promise, she holds you to that, it’s just her nature. So pin your hopes to the trunk of a tree, take two steps forward and one in the sea. A drowning flock still grows. A Murder of Crows. The storm has yet to end, and all hope now it seems to be lost. The treasure was said to be friendship, and at home an albatross. This storm won’t break and in the end, the only thing left of my friend, What little meat I can pick from her bones, This Murder of Crows. We three freaks, we made a murder, two was only an attempt. Just like best friends became lovers and left with nothing but contempt. One Day your lesson it will be, to learn transaction at the Wisdom Tree. Count it on your fingers and your toes, this Murder of Crows Dark velvet hair and a sharp crooked nose Inky black wings and the fingers of those We Used Sticks and Stones We were a Murder of Crows Crowned with your ribbons and your bows - This Murder of Crows. Counting on your fingers and your toes - This Murder of Crows. Conjoined at the hips and at the nose - This Murder of Crows. A crowned cock still crows…
8.
Foie Gras 03:58
This Foie Gras is killin’ me. A fatty liver and a goose’s tongue. I’m gonna force it down, force it down down. I’m gonna force it down, force it down down down. Unsteady hands just before I start. A little liquor and a cuisinart. I’m gonna force it down A crabby hand on a cradled heart. I’d stack the bottles and we’d call it art. I’m gonna force it down This Foie Gras is killin’ me. A fatty liver and a goose’s tongue. I’m gonna force it down, force it down down. I’m gonna force it down, force it down down down. Two Buck or Crem de Cacao Liqueur I like it down here on the floor. I’m gonna force it down If not for my seasick paramour, What did we buy insurance for? I’m gonna force it down. They’ll cut me up like a plump filet. But I’ll drink in the chance for a holiday. I’m gonna force it down. When come a hoar frost like sweet givre, Don’t pour it out, put it all in me. I’m gonna force it down.
9.
I always said... I never cry at love songs, A promise I intend to keep. Instead I cry about those frightening dreams I dream When I’m asleep. I see you in there sometimes, I don’t mean to but I do. It’s when I’m lying helpless Those are the times I think of you. I dreamed about a house one night, One I wish I didn’t buy. I dreamt it was a happy place, but these sweet dreams they say goodbye. I never dream of flying, I dream that I can’t run. I dream about you leaving. But I’ll still love you till I’m done. I dreamed about a city floating Way up in the sky I dreamed that it came crashing down. But I’ll love you till I die Better late than never. Better brief than none. I never cry a love songs. I don’t think that this is one. Better gone and then forgotten. Better failed than never tried. Better mislaid than come rotten. These sweet dreams say goodbye I said I never cry at love songs And I’m not sure that this is one. But I’ll love you till I’m dead and gone.
10.
If wishes were horses only beggars would ride. As I lie by your side I’m the beggar this time. For wishing it different and wanting us well. But a fool only wishes and that horse ain’t for sale. So I’ll remember that night that we looked at your pictures. Not that we fought and I couldn’t get hard. The very next day I still made you breakfast. You had the hunger so I pretended a home. My eyes said goodbye as I looked at your body, That I wanted to touch for one very last time. Your eyes said goodbye as you stared in your coffee, So I tried to think of something funny to say. The words they escaped me so I had to settle, for breaking the silence by forcing a laugh. But you smiled anyway and did me a favor, by holding my hand at that kitchen table. I remember you well and I think of you often. Maybe some less with each passing day. But sometimes at night I think of that song that you played for me, With that man singing so sweet and so mean. And sometimes at night I think of your body. I close my eyes and I try to pretend. No desiderating - I’m all done with wishes. I drowned all my horses in the Ohio river.

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Vocabulary Rock. Written, performed and captured in a house in the Chicago suburbs.

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released March 1, 2024

all songs composed and performed by leon frear copyright 2023
backup vocals, collage and photography by faye whitt

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Leon Frear Chicago, Illinois

Sad Bastard Vocabulary Rock.

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